Individualism, Consumerism, Cocooning, Self-Care

Do You Blame Me?

Discussion Board Original Post: Individualism, Consumerism, Cocooning, Self-Care, Do You Blame Me?

by Myra Maillet - Tuesday, 4 November 2025, 12:29 PM

I’ll be honest; deciding on one focus topic from this section has been really challenging. Ultimately, I chose to talk about cocooning and individualism (about two weeks ago now, but it was hard for me to put my thoughts into words here).

I agree with Mulligan that there is a physical trend towards cocooning, but this chapter was published in 2018 and couldn’t have known about the intensity and trauma that the last seven years have caused. Part of the trend of cocooning and physical isolation is absolutely due to increased expectations and responsibilities in other areas of life (work, school, etc.), the near-impossibility of disconnecting from our responsibilities due to smartphones, because of global tides of immigration, emigration, and travel, and because traditional social hubs can often be havens for hypocrites and judgmental cliques, even more so now with the normalization of divisive and harmful rhetoric from persons in positions of great power.

People are more open in their identities, expression of self, interests, hobbies, etc. in their private lives and digital lives because they can shield themselves from harm and hurt in ways that they cannot accomplish during an in-person meeting. Churches, community centers, and certain organizations, while not always explicit in their denunciation of difference, often house and protect individuals who are dismissive, derogatory, or aggressive towards folks who don’t fit the binary, don’t fit the norm, don’t give of themselves in expected ways. Even in the realm of teachers, it seems as though there is a divide between those who wear martyrdom and burnout like badges of honour, and those who compartmentalize work and home in every way, or try to, at least.

Mulligan writes that “people living in western societies have come to view their private home as a kind of safe haven – even utopia – from which they can screen out unwanted environmental or social intrusions. We allow in the things we need […] while we exclude or expel other things,” (38), and I ask, given the current state of North American and global affairs, why shouldn’t I?

Mulligan indicates that some of the largest concerns of sociologists in response to the trend towards individualism and cocooning are that we will “lose sight of where they are located in the world,” that we’ll drive more, expect everything to be manicured and monocultured, stop engaging with our neighbours, and “be more likely to retreat to the private home to feel safe from perceived social threats or a sense of not belonging.” The issue is, I don’t think those social threats and having a sense of not belonging are perceived—they’re real, and, besides that, the Thomas Theorem is quite clear in how impactful perception is. People haven’t lost sight of where they are in the world. They have turned their backs on parts of it that are painful. It’s not individualism stemming from a desire to internalize some capitalist ideology. It’s self preservation, dissociation, compartmentalization on a societal scale.

Some people buy things to cope, others travel, get tattoos, stream movies and music, doom scroll, cook, craft, work out, decorate, drink, devolve into stoic shells of their former selves, or weep into piles of dirty laundry.

I am not going to track how much I use of some particular item or how much I buy. I am going to track how much I give of myself in the service of others, not because I think that I am some pinnacle of selflessness and eco-heroinism, but because I think I am pretty basic, and because I am actively struggling with burnout, as many of us are. I want to track how often I actually fill my own cup and how because I think that the breakdown of natural systems and tenants of sustainability are actually because of the breakdown of the individual. Can you truthfully say the past few years haven't broken you, too?

Nov.1st: Buy Nothing Days

I have tried for years to make Buy Nothing Days part of my routine, both as an attempt to reduce my waste and to reduce my expenses. This school year, I have intensified my efforts by cutting my Tim Hortons trips to about once a week, if that. It seems like a small change, but things like coffee, a quick gas station snack, etc., can be the undoing of so much effort to spend less, and the undoing of a conscious attempt to produce less waste because it frames an entire day as a loss even though the day has barely begun. It is ironic as well that something as insignificant as a coffee and snack, when bought daily, will amount to my monthly savings target for this M.Ed. program to be paid out of pocket (Yeah. You read that right. I am paying for over half of a MASTERS with coffee and doughnut money). Dang it all, Tim! You had me going!

I am piling up the Buy Nothing Days, and now, they tend to outnumber my Oops-I’ve-Bought-Something-Days. I’ve been reflecting consistently, almost pathologically on my expenses, and what I have noticed is that if I avoid tapping my ever-faithful Mastercard first thing in the morning, I don’t have such a big impulse to pull it out again. Pair my Timmie’s avoidance with a packed lunch and a time crunch, and I don’t even have the urge to peruse Amazon listings. I still do, sometimes, but the impulse is less of a burn and more of a mosquito in the room. Usually, it coincides with a Facebook advertisement as well. Talk about the illusion of choice and addictive consumption, eh? I see it and am actively resisting!

I began this journey in early October by tracking ways that I was giving of myself and ways that I was filling my cup (I’ll post my itemized list, too!), and once I began to cut out certain expenses, like Tim Hortons or random Amazon shopping, I began to feel more satiated by my purchasing decisions, even if they were expensive (Like my $110 Sorel Emotional Support Boots that I had been eyeing for quite some time). My original topic-journal reflects how I felt while I was still stuck in a purchasing-self-judgement-coping loop fueled by a desperation to shut out parts of the world. I’d buy something to pretend I was actually caring about myself, then judge myself for giving in to the impulse, and have to then cope with my own weakness and financial stress on top of every other societal, personal, and career responsibility. What then? Do it all again, of course.

It felt like loading myself up with stuff would stabilize my hull in the storm, but I just threw it all in the hold, no straps, and every time a wave hit, all that crap would just slam side to side, destabilizing me even more. Dopamine isn’t a great stabilizer.

I don’t miss Tim’s coffee, and my thighs don’t miss the sweets either, but what I really don’t miss is the feeling of being out of control, of taking on water. It sucks to say it, but I let coffee sink my ship because I thought Tim was taking care of me, or at least helping me take care of myself.

As Miley Cyrus would say (if she were a coffee addict, like me): “I can make my own coffee/ Write my name on my mug,” or something like that, anyway.

Photo: Jelly the Bunny. [Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

Thanksgiving Dinner. [Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

Pony Ride at Boo at the Zoo. [Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

Halloween Display at Home Depot.[Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

Princess Theodora The Great. [Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

Nov.10th: Investing in Self

Early on in Module 3, I knew that I was nearing burnout. I had done so many reps, one responsibility, one problem, one crisis after another, another, another, that I hit failure and the barbells were slipping from my grip. As I stated in my November 1st journal, I had begun to turn to consumption to placate my anxiety, my stress, the vibrations I felt in my fingers and the heat in my face that never seemed to tone down. Buying things is self-care, right?

No, I was making excuses and pretending I wasn’t struggling. I went to a councilor. Just one meeting (and one coming up tomorrow) but that was all it took to make me realize how much I was carrying, and how little I was caring about me. My councilor asked me what my ideal day might look like, and I couldn’t even answer her. Doom scrolling? I never remember anything I see. Shopping? I hate wandering the mall. Restaurant? I actually enjoy cooking, I think?

I realized that the things I loved to do were things that physically challenged me but were things that I almost never made time for during the school year. One summer, I had certified as a yoga teacher. Last summer, I trained to run a 5K, and did it, but I never kept up either hobby. My councilor told me that I really needed to start giving time back to myself. Not taking it. GIVING. Time, to me, is a gift, and I am too tired to take anything from anyone-- even myself. I signed up for the gym the following day, and in two weeks, I’ve given myself the gift of over 6 hours of time to spend on myself, challenging myself, and working through the stress and trauma my body had latched onto over years of being ignored and overworked. Shout out to my partner for supporting and encouraging me!

For once, I didn’t feel like my path to self-care involved much consumption. The monthly membership is $50. I bought myself a reusable water bottle for $5 since my reusable lidded cup didn’t fit in the treadmill cup holder. I asked my partner for a pair of headphones for my birthday that I could dedicate to gym use, but I already owned clothing and shoes suitable for the gym. I already owned a phone (over three years old now) that played my music just fine. I had a few sweatbands from my yoga and running days. All I had to do was drive about 6 mins from home to get there, and 6 mins back after I was done (just a note—my street is a fast-traffic road without sidewalks, otherwise, I would likely exercise directly from home). I don’t even use protein or creatine products, no supplements—just water and maybe some extra pasta or eggs when I’m hungry (and my eggs are from my back yard hens). My consumption has been incredibly low by influencer standards, but the benefit has been immediate and intense.

Speaking of influencers, the moment I started looking for workouts and gym refreshers, my social media algorithm and my Amazon algorithm went wild! Buy this whey, this creatine, this protein coffee, this shaker cup, these workout clothes, these sweat-wicking tank-tops, these magical socks that make you fly and fart rainbows… never ending marketing to who should have been the quintessential consumer. The most sickening part is that I can’t even talk to people, real people around me without risking them trying to sell me on their side hustle or some product that worked for them. It isn't even a conscious thing that they do, and I have done it too! I have noticed that so many people are caught up in the consumerism of fixing themselves that they assume everyone else is too. They're not really wrong, but once you question the matrix, you can't help but see it everywhere.

My original journal asked if you, my wonderful reader, blames me for withdrawing from traditional social gathering places and institutions in an attempt to shield myself from conflict and toxicity. In response, I was asked what a truly restorative or safe space might look like. Ultimately, just as physical spaces are threatening in a host of different ways, so too are general-audience digital ones. No platform is there to serve me; they exist to sell me on something. I don't think that any place, group, site, or service can be safe, but I don't think they need to be safe; they need to be transparent in their values, intentions, and goals. Cut out the lip service and facades. People cocoon because they're sick of being lied to.

Photo: CIBC Run for the Cure, Rout Map for Centennial Park, 2025.

Caddy the Crestie. [Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

Cotton Candy Boo at the Zoo. [Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

Halloween Haul. [Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

Emotional Support Boots

(https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0B54S67ZM?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title&th=1&psc=1)

In Service of Others

1. October (literally, the entire month) involved me working late past working hours frequently and carrying a heavy emotional and professional burden, including the responsibility of being a mandated reporter. I am usually good at compartmentalizing, but I was unable to keep home and work separate.

2. I and my husband run a small business, and I packed and shipped over 800 products with him in October. This took hours. It also makes me feel incredibly guilty because everything has to be packed in plastic bags, and while we are packing, my daughter gets too much screen time. There isn’t an alternative for either issue.

3. I took lead on many activities with my daughter this month due to my partner being away multiple nights for inventories around the Atlantic provinces. Things like the corn maze, the zoo, painting, movie nights, etc. were things that I planned and/ or prepped. They took mental and physical energy.

4. I cleaned out half of my in-ground garden and two garden boxes so they’ll be ready for planting in the spring. I want to try and grow a portion of our food and learn to preserve it.

5. I singlehandedly made Thanksgiving dinner. It only took about 30 mins for everyone to finish eating.

6. I took a mental health day for myself, but just as much for the students who don’t need me coming to work already heightened. I value having those sick days in the bank as a newish teacher, but I value the relationship I have built with my students too. It was worth it.

7. I practiced breathing techniques at home when parenting became challenging. Often, I come home from work anxious, and a young child, no matter how sweet and good-natured, could easily get the brunt of my feelings if I am not careful. I am almost always careful, but it takes a lot of work, self control, reflection, etc.

8. I don’t want to cook every night when I get home, but I usually do, or sometimes it’s the partner. It’s healthier for my family, and less expensive in the long run. I usually do leftovers for lunches too. I could buy from the cafeteria at work, but I want to save the money if I can.

9. I have my classroom open at lunch three days a week, even though I’d like to keep it closed and chaos-free. The kids need safe lunch spaces too.

10. I have a handful of lazy, dismissive, and arrogant kids in every class (most of us do…), but the second I put up a boundary, they say awful things. Not reacting, continuing to help them and support them…those are acts of service. Especially when the sting their comments cause lasts longer than a single class or even a single day.

11. I have already begun to think about Christmas for our family, not from a purely commercial perspective, but from a logistical one. Budgeting, time management, travel/ visits, meals, gifts. I want to make Christmas magical for my kid. The mental load is high.

12. Not letting relationship tension poison my home. No relationship is perfect, but it is hard to deal with it healthily.

13. Writing letters of reference for students who are applying for post-secondary or scholarships.

14. Talking kids through emotional challenges, grades, personality clashes with other teachers, their home struggles, their money struggles, etc.

15. Cleaning, laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting. Two dogs in the house make a ton of mess. These things need daily to weekly keep up. Most are daily.

16. Sourcing free materials to use in my classes (Fashion), picking them up, sorting it all out… so much mental and physical effort.

17. Professional Learning. Yeah, it’s part of my job, but my job is to be in service of others. This includes the Masters.

18. Keeping in touch with siblings and family. Nearly impossible.

19. Being the primary daycare driver/ pickerupper.

20. Doing the work to deal with my own past traumas so I don’t perpetuate the cycle.

Photo: Crocheting a Hat. [Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

Self-Care

1. I consistently listen to the Americast, Canadaland, and Today Explained podcasts.

2. October 12th, my daughter and I met up with a friend to go to a corn maze. It cost about $30 for the maze entry and some pumpkins afterwards, but we had a good time, and it was nice to be outside!

3. October 12th. I went to Costco for groceries, and the only two items I bought that were not usual or necessary were a set of kids’ shirts and a Rapunzel dress, both of which will be gifts for my daughter at Christmas. I got them both on sale, and it made me really happy. I portioned out the bulk items for the freezer and wrapped the gifts in reused Amazon boxes—felt good to get ahead of the game. Total Cost: $400 (should last about 2 weeks)

4. Oct 13th. I ordered my daughter’s Halloween costume (Elsa). I bought the dress a full two sizes too big because she loves dress-up, and I though she could play throughout the year/ years. She has worn last year’s costume to threads. Total cost: $60

5. October 13th, we had an early Thanksgiving dinner—I made all the sides (maple basil carrots, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, cranberry) and we had it with a rotisserie chicken. Small family, and my partner doesn’t like turkey. Bought nothing today.

6. Oct 16. I bought myself a pair of brown Sorel boots, waterproof, to replace an old pair of Blundstones that I had owned for over 7 years. I finally wore through the sole and holes in the toe creases were forming. I planted plants in them this summer but only replaced them because I needed ‘emotional support boots’ after I had some challenging student disclosures. Cost: $110

7. I made an appointment to speak with a councillor on Oct 17th in response to multiple student disclosures over the past week or so.

8. October 17th, the whole family went to Boo at the Zoo! My daughter dressed up in her Halloween costume as Elsa and did a pony ride ($7).

9. I took a mental health day on Wed, Oct 22 in response to increased irritability due to work and home stressors. Bought nothing today.

10. I played soccer with my daughter in the yard for half an hour on Thurs, Oct 23 after work. The air was cold and refreshing, but she tripped and fell, but her lip, and needed a little TLC afterwards. Still, good stress relief. Bought nothing today.

11. October 25th, my daughter and I went to Boo at the Zoo, just the two of us. We have bought a membership every year since she was born, and it is one of those activities that we never get tired of. No pony ride this time, though. Bought nothing today.

12. I took the day on Friday, Oct 31st to go to the counselling appointment. It was really productive and validating, and I think that the stigma around counselling really needs to be dispelled.

13. I took my daughter Trick-or-Treating on Halloween. She tapped out after an hour, but it was really fun. Bought nothing today.

14. I joined the gym on November 1st in response to stress-processing suggestions in the counselling appointment, and I did a running and easy weights workout. The gym is an 8 min drive from my house, and it is 24/7. Cost: $50 per month plus a one-time fee for entry fob of $15

15. I ticked tasks off my list on November 1st, like buying chicken feed and bedding, sorting out the coop, finishing the laundry, changing bedding, etc. While this is work, the completion of these tasks makes me feel productive and lighter.

16. I went to the gym on November 2nd and did a running, rowing, and weights workout.

17. November 2nd, I bought about $30 worth of paints and canvas from the dollar store and painted with my daughter.

18. I got my tires changed to winters on November 4th and did a morning walk from the shop to work. I usually suck at getting this done on time, so I was very proud of myself. The walk was rainy, but I listened to an audiobook, so it was good.

19. I started listening to the Kamala Harris book, 107 Days on Spotify on November 4th. Been looking forward to this.

20. I completed my report cards and emails home to parents with kids who failed the quarter on November 5th. This process is stressful but finishing on time and efficiently makes me feel successful. Bought nothing today.

21. I started watching the new season of The Witcher on Netflix on November 5th. Meh.

22. November 5th, I bought some girls-night snacks for my daughter and I because her dad is away for a few days. I spent about $50, but it was dinner and treats, plus lunches for tomorrow, stuff that her dad doesn’t like, so I’m ok with it.

23. November 6th, I bought a Timmies coffee, a muffin, and a few timbits for my kid. We haven’t been to Tims in weeks as part of a conscious effort to reduce expense and trash. $9

24. November 6th, my daughter and I put up the Christmas tree, listened to Christmas music, and watched The Santa Clause. Her dad is still away, but back Friday night. This was a really nice bonding moment, and nostalgic for me.

25. November 8th and 9th, I went to the gym. I’ve been lifting heavy considering this is my first week or two back, but it feels really good. Bought nothing these days or on the 7th.

Photo: Dobson Walk. [Photograph taken by the author, 2025].

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